Leigh Anne and Jonathan's wedding day is quickly approaching! June 3rd will be here before we know it. I'm so proud of her. She is working full time as a nanny for two children whose parents are doctors. She and Jonathan bought a house and they have been working furiously to texture, paint, refinish floors, hang new doors, and countless other tasks. She is creating many personal touches for the wedding - she's taught several of us to make fabric flowers! She's amazingly creative and talented. I'm so impressed with her! She's been so careful to stay within her budget and she is going to have an amazing day.
I'm only disappointed that because it is in her boss's back yard we have to keep the guest list to a minimum. There are so many people I'd love to include, but can't. Boo.
52 days and counting...
Monday, April 11, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
There are still moments
In 1993 we lost a son just after his birth, to a genetic chromosomal defect. I will never forget him, of course, but most days I can rest in the fact that we'll be together in heaven.
But there are moments, when the loss and his absence are very real and still painful. When Will died our girls were little, Leigh Anne was 3 and Lara just 17 months old, so I was busy for the first few years, and tried really hard to keep my mind off of the loss. I just really tried not to think about it much. or at least avoid reminders. but there were still moments...
For years, I walked the halls at church to avoid being in the sanctuary during baby dedication services. When he would have been in early elementary school, watching friend's little boys play ball games, was hard. When the father / son campouts were planned, Steve helped plan, but didn't go. When the girls started having boys for friends, I wondered what Will would be like as a middle schooler.
When Steve was teaching Lara to drive, I thought about how it would have been to have a boy coming up as a driver just behind her. When there were boy issues I really missed Will, I really wanted a brother there to beat up those jerks I could only pray away. When Lara and 4 friends went to prom together I wished she'd had a brother to be the one to escort them all. When Lara moved away to college I longed for my boy to still be at home and be with me.
And now, as graduation time approaches, my heart aches again. Will would be graduating this year. We'd be planning his big graduation party and getting ready for college and dorm life.
As we are planning Leigh Anne's wedding, it brings tears too, because I don't have anyone to walk me down the aisle; she doesn't have a brother to include in the groomsmen.
There are still moments, when tears fall and my heart aches, and I crawl up into my Father's lap and let Him reassure me that He knows my pain. He gave up His Son, willingly, for me. I cannot even imagine...
But there are moments, when the loss and his absence are very real and still painful. When Will died our girls were little, Leigh Anne was 3 and Lara just 17 months old, so I was busy for the first few years, and tried really hard to keep my mind off of the loss. I just really tried not to think about it much. or at least avoid reminders. but there were still moments...
For years, I walked the halls at church to avoid being in the sanctuary during baby dedication services. When he would have been in early elementary school, watching friend's little boys play ball games, was hard. When the father / son campouts were planned, Steve helped plan, but didn't go. When the girls started having boys for friends, I wondered what Will would be like as a middle schooler.
When Steve was teaching Lara to drive, I thought about how it would have been to have a boy coming up as a driver just behind her. When there were boy issues I really missed Will, I really wanted a brother there to beat up those jerks I could only pray away. When Lara and 4 friends went to prom together I wished she'd had a brother to be the one to escort them all. When Lara moved away to college I longed for my boy to still be at home and be with me.
And now, as graduation time approaches, my heart aches again. Will would be graduating this year. We'd be planning his big graduation party and getting ready for college and dorm life.
As we are planning Leigh Anne's wedding, it brings tears too, because I don't have anyone to walk me down the aisle; she doesn't have a brother to include in the groomsmen.
There are still moments, when tears fall and my heart aches, and I crawl up into my Father's lap and let Him reassure me that He knows my pain. He gave up His Son, willingly, for me. I cannot even imagine...
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